i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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