Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
As shirtless as possible
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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