Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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