you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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