The maid of honor just puked.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
