Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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