So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
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