I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
