now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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