They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
