I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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