forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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