oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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