yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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