Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
