my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you are never too drunk for berry picking
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
