I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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