i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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