remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
That accounts for only three of the penises
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
