yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize