I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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