a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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