I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
