I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
