I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
