He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
