Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
