He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize