I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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