She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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