he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
