Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
