Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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