i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
