I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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