I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
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booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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