Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
