Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
