just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
