Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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