Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
