so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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