he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
