i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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