guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
