it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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