My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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