There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
