Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
