I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
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I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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