Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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