Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i think my mom watched the whole time
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
