he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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