so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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