I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
