you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
