All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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