nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
