I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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