The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
