She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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