you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
