well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
