No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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